A New Zealand English Lesson 1

by Jelena from Serbia who happened to be stuck in the rain on the west coast of a small island in the middle of the Indian Ocean, where almost no one knows the legacy of Marlene Dietrich.

1. She ll be right – say, if the car is broken down, you attach a gender to a thing. Instead of saying, “its going to be ok” you say “she ll be right”;
2. Barby – you would say it instead of barbeque;
3. Its perfectly ok to call a stranger: Bro, Mate, Kiwi(s) (this might be confusing while it can be reffered to a Bro, a Mate and a Cuzzie or a person originating from New Zealand) and Cuzzie (short for cousin). This is to reflect the openness and warm heartedness of a New Zealander;
4. Ozies – the term / definition used to pin point australians from the perspective of New Zealanders. It’s like the love from Canadians to Americans, українців до москалі, Belgian to French, Scottish to English, von Österreichischen zu Deutschen;
5. Sheep shaggers – Ozzies use the term “sheep shaggers” to illustrate the imbalance between the quantity of sheep in New Zealand which is estimated at about 20m as compared to the Kiwis population size of 4.5m and to underline the propensity to molesting poor fluffy animals in the respective proportion of 5 to 1;
6. The Misses – the term is used to emphasize the power and ruling authority of a girlfriend, wife, partner (the recent terminology used to substitute either a wife or a girlfriend in accordance with the popular blowings by the winds of politically correctness – whoever will erase / eradicate / exterminate / extinguish / annihilate / destroy / evaporate / remove this term from human lives, language, perceptions, thoughts (yes, indeed) will be awarded by a chocolate personally me. Or to remove the effect of passive voice from the sentence: I will personally reward a person whoever will erase / eradicate / exterminate / extinguish / annihilate / destroy / evaporate / remove this term from human lives, language, perceptions, thoughts (yes, indeed) with a chocolate) in decision making process of a man when speaking with third parties in the absence of The Misses.
7. Choice – an adjective used to highlight the awesomeness of any object. For example, “that’s a choice car” – in this case “a” refers only to “car” and choice is an adjective which is grammatical impurity.
8. Mint – same as above
9. Cuppa – “a cup of”. Would you like a cuppa (don’t say but imply tea, coffee, anything that was previously mentioned. Normally would refer to a hot beverage).
10. Jelena draws a blank when asked to complete the list of ten with the term which would refer to a scenes and images which would normally be labeled with “Parental supervision advised” and not recommended for the immature individuals aged less than 21 years or immature in general. Jelena will be stuck for another month on a small island in the middle of the Indian Ocean, where almost no one knows the legacy of Marlene Dietrich.